Most people tend to think that if people are having arguments or disagreements with each other, it is a sign of strain in their relationship. Most of us would like to be in the perpetual state of bliss which is usually associated with the honeymoon period when there are only kisses and hugs and no harsh words, at all. But no matter how lucky someone gets, it is impossible to go through life without disagreements. And when it comes to relationships, having more or less of fights does not determine whether you have a happy life or not, rather it is how the two of you handle the conflict and moved on from it.
Arguments are given this negative connotation whereas in reality, they are just a conversation between two people who are not in complete agreement over something. Since when has been telling other people your point of view bad? And because you are now in a relationship, you will have to compromise on certain aspects. And when we make these concessions for the other person, we reveal to them a side of us which was hitherto unknown and vice versa. Arguments help a couple in understanding each other better, which allows them to love each other better too.
Now this doesn’t mean that you have arguments for the fun of it. It is important that you take a hard look at what are the kinds of arguments you are having, and are they really worth the time and effort you put into them? And equally important is to think of how you handle your arguments. No argument should go so off hand that it can negatively impact your personal dynamic.
Having an argument doesn’t excuse you being rude with your partner. Just because you don’t agree with them, doesn’t mean you have to throw verbal bombs at them. However angry you might be, be careful of every single word that comes out of your mouth. Because when we are not careful of what we are saying, we end up regretting those words 100% of the time. Also, arguments are about listening and understanding each other and not replying. Try to understand what they are saying instead of focusing on your rebuttal. Also, don’t be afraid to admit to your partner if you are feeling some intense emotion such as anger or sadness. And though it might seem next to impossible, you should admit to them when you realize you’ve been wrong.
Again, just because it is an argument, it does not excuse you attacking them on personal issues. If you think that things are getting out of your hand, take a little break. Don’t continue with the argument till you have recollected yourself enough to make more constructive points in the argument. Also, the point of the argument is not to make your partner see your point of view, it is also to understand theirs. But we somehow never manage to get this one point straight. But remember, the more understanding you are, and more open to change and alternative viewpoints the better it will be for the happiness of your relationship, as well as life in general.
And never mix your emotions with the argument. It takes away your ability to be rational and you will never get anywhere if you allow your feelings to get in the way of logic. And most importantly, don’t debase yourself for the sake of the argument. Name-calling, bringing in arguments from the past etc will only sour your relationship.
Remember your arguments don’t define your relationship, it is how you handle them that matters the most.